Fooling Around with the Ladies (V1, E1)
- Kat
- Dec 20, 2017
- 10 min read
So, in this tidbit of "Fooling Around with the Ladies" some ladies took a break and gave me their take on relationships, cheating, friends with benefits, and more. Grab some popcorn and enjoy the ride! Fellas, who would you choose? Ladies, who do y'all agree or disagree with?
*Ladies are anonymous and some language may have been changed due to explicit content*
I interviewed 5 ladies:
> Girl 1: 25, Dallas, TX
> Girl 2:19, Manhattan, NY
> Girl 3: 20, Richmond, VA
> Girl 4: 36, Boston, MA
> Girl 5: 24, New Hampshire
1. Are you currently involved with someone?
> Girl 1: "Kinda... okay let's say no."
> Girl 2: "Yeah, sadly he's the love of my life."
> Girl 3: "Sexually, yeah. Relationship, no."
> Girl 4: "No, I'm not."
> Girl 5: "No"
2. What is your definition of friends with benefits?
> Girl 1: "Friends with benefits to me is all the above, meaning we talking, texting, sexing, everything minus living together and being in an actual relationship.
> Girl 2: "Someone you're basically having sex with... but with the title of a friend."
> Girl 3: "When two friends that have a good relationship and are sexually attracted to one another decided to act on the sexual attraction without a commitment."
> Girl 4: "I think it's 2 people who have sex without strings, but may also hang out with each other in addition to the sexual part of the relationship."
>Girl 5: "I call those, "situationships." Basically, two people (or one of two people) either afraid of or not requiring commitment. However, neither one willing to walk away just yet because "memories" and comfortability.
3. Would you mind having a friend with benefits?
> Girl 1: "I wouldn't mind, but I wouldn't do it because of the the fact that I am a jealous person and I can't handle if you my friend with benefits and have other friend with benefits. It's a wrap, I don't want it.
> Girl 2: "Would I mind having one? No, I wouldn't have a friend with benefits if I have a boyfriend because that would be cheating. Now, if I didn't have a boyfriend, maybe I'd consider it, but then again, I get caught up in feelings too quick and my dumb a** would catch feelings for a n***a quick as f**k and he wouldn't give a f**k about my feelings."
> Girl 3: "[No], I'm an adult woman who enjoys sex from time to time. I am also someone that is more reserved and doesn't like the idea of sleeping with someone I don't really know too well. I'd rather have some sort of connection with that person. I can't give it to just anybody. But, I have a good friend that I've been friends with for a while that I trust with giving myself to in that way. I would say to be careful though, if someone chooses."
> Girl 4: "I would mind now, where I am in life, that's not what I really want. But, I've had them before."
> Girl 5: "Nah, I'm good on that. It wouldn't bring me any security or the ability to build with someone. At this point in my life I have no need for a friend with benefits. You can just be a regular friend if you don't want to commit."
4. Do you prefer a friend with benefits or a relationship?
> Girl 1: "I prefer a relationship. Someone that is mine and belongs to me. Although, cheating is a factor still and yet, I know that I'm in a relationship and don't have to worry about that other person doing what they doing."
> Girl 2: "I definitely would prefer a relationship, just because I'd have that assurance of not worrying about being caught up in feelings."
> Girl 3: "No, I would rather a relationship."
> Girl 4: "I would prefer a relationship over friends with benefits cause I want to settle down with one person, grow with that one person and not have to share him emotionally, physically, or in any other way with another woman. I've had my share of failed relationships, one nights, and friends with benefits. So, I'm over those things."
>Girl 5: "I prefer a relationship. I haven't been in one in who even knows how long, but I also haven't had a friends with benefits situation in who knows how long either. I've been abstinent for about 5 years now."
5. Do you believe in dating multiple people at the same time?
> Girl 1: "Yes, I do believe you can date more than one person at a time; however, I have never done it and for damn sure wouldn't want to be apart of it."
> Girl 2: "Umm... at one point before I started dating [inserts boyfriend's name], I used to talk to one other guy while being in a relationship."
> Girl 3: "Depends on what your definition of dating is. If it's the old fashioned going out on dates to get to know someone, then yes. There's no commitment involved for either parties. But, if you see dating as you being involved with someone exclusively, like "talking" or in a relationship, then clearly you should not be interacting with others on that same level."
> Girl 4: "Well, it depends on how serious we are. If I'm truly into a guy, it's just him."
> Girl 5: "As in going out on dates... sure.. why not, but after date 3, I'm sure you can make an informed decision on whether or not you really want to continue getting to know someone on a deeper level. For me personally, if I'm really trying to get to know someone with the intention of building beyond just "going on dates," I wouldn't entertain other people at the same time."
6. Would you consider dating multiple people at the same time, a hoe?
> Girl 1: "You not just a hoe, you a greedy hoe at that point."
> Girl 2: "Umm... I mean... I just don't see the point in cheating on someone, cause it's like, if you wanna be with someone then be with them, don't be with them and be with someone else. That's what creates trust issues and trust issues in your relationships."
> Girl 3: "No."
> Girl 4: "No, I don't think a person is a hoe if they're dating multiple people. If sex is involved, the answer is still no, but that is being risky which isn't very smart, but I wouldn't say the woman is a hoe, men do it all the time."
> Girl 5: "It depends on what is meant by dating. Are you sleeping with these people? Just doing out to dinner or movies? Texting occasionally? On the phone every night? It just depends on what is meant by dating. We praise the idea of being free with our bodies, minds, soul, spirit these days. I'm a protector of my space and time. I personally don't even feel like hoeing my mind and intellectual conversation out here in these streets. Let alone my body... *Side note: I told her having a full blown relationship with multiple people and then she followed up with this response* That's gonna be a no for me, fam. I don't even understand how someone can think that they can fully support, to the best of their ability, ONE person emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually... let alone multiple people. We're all individuals.. unique and complicated. I don't even think it's healthy to try and give and receive from more than one person on that level. Being taught how to love someone romantically the way they need to be loved and teaching someone how to love you how you need to be loved takes WORK. I personally ain't got time to put that amount of work in more than one person."
7. Do you see yourself getting married? If yes, what age? If no, why not?
> Girl 1: "I see myself getting married at 27. I will be married before 30 or I won't be married and it's not about putting an age on it. It's the fact that marriage is a requirement; you want it, you require it."
> Girl 2: "Yes! I definitely would love to get married and have kids and a dog... but I don't know how well it would work out because I wouldn't even put up with myself, cause I have a really bad attitude and I'm insecure as f**k. And I still have slight trust issues. But, if I do get married, my ideal age would be between 20-25. But, God has perfect timing. So, that's all up to him.
> Girl 3: Yes. I'd like to be married around 27-29."
> Girl 4: "I mean I would like to get married. Something about the idea of spending 20 years with a person seems so genuine, true love, you know? What age? I don't know. I'm 36 years old now and I'm not with anyone, so who knows. My uncle who got married to his wife for over 20 years, she passed almost 3 years ago, otherwise they would still be married. That's what I envision when I think of marriage. Sharing a lifetime with someone."
> Girl 5: "If it was up to me, I would have been married by now and building. So yes, I see myself getting married. Lord willing it will be before I'm 30."
8. What is your ideal boyfriend?
> Girl 1: "My ideal boyfriend would mirror me; hardworking, provider, protector, and financially stable with goals!"
> Girl 2: "My ideal boyfriend would of course be a man of God, a guy who loves to be around me all the time, someone who can deal with my attitude and help me overcome my insecurities, loves animals, and truly loves me for who I am, despite the negative flaws I have."
> Girl 3: "Someone that I enjoy being around. We have similarities, but also differ in so many ways so we can continue to learn about each other as our relationship grows. I want someone that keeps it real with me even if the truth isn't something I want to hear. Of course, faithful and loyal. Someone fun. A real weirdo. Someone that can keep me calm and grounded and I can do the same for them. Someone that I find comfort in and he feels the same for me. I want us to be able to grow and learn together. Physical features include tall, a really nice smile, and attractive guy, but not too attractive, body build doesn't matter too much, and nice hands. A man of real faith. I ultimately want my boyfriend to be my best friend. A lot of people fear that, but I long for it. It's honestly no one better for me. I have more, but that's everything summed up for the most part. I also want someone that my family will agree with because they're a little hard to please, given the family I was born into.
> Girl 4: "Girl, I don't even know! My ideal boyfriend is smart, funny, motivated, ambitious, sweet and considerate of others. He can be handsome, too. But, looks aren't the #1, though they do matter sometimes. He would worship me and I would do the same for him."
> Girl 5: "I could just list a billion things, but I could also sum it up by saying: A man after God's heart; producing fruit of the Spirit. That man will be more than all of my ideals two times over."
9. Since you're single, is there a reason why you're not with anyone?
> Girl 1: "I refuse to settle. I'm not about helping a man build. He has to be built or half built in order for me to take him serious."
> Girl 2: N/A
> Girl 3: "I guess because I'm not one that will settle. There have been a few guys to try, but I don't want just sex out of a relationship. I want substance and there hasn't been anyone to give that to me yet and we're both mutually interested in each other in that way. It's always been either I'm interested and they aren't as interested or they are and I'm not feeling them."
> Girl 4: "Well I was with someone for like 7 years and there was just no growth. The relationship became stagnant. But, also the guy wasn't motivated enough and I began to feel like I was compromising too much of myself."
> Girl 5: "I mean can't you see it's obvious, I look like a troll and have a terrible personality. Girl, I don't know. It's not necessarily a choice I've made. I'm not gonna be with just anybody, but I also don't have anyone knocking down my door either."
10. What is worse, getting cheated on or getting cheated with and not knowing?
> Girl 1: "Getting cheated on fasho! Because getting cheated with isn't going to hurt my feelings as bad."
> Girl 2: "Getting cheated on and knowing it hurts a hell of a lot more."
> Girl 3: "Well, you're getting played in both scenarios. I think being cheated on. That heartbreak can take a toll. So many emotions go through you. You feel that you're not enough, you hurt from the person you were in love with. You feel embarrassed. It can take a while to get over.
> Girl 4: "Damn, that's tough. I mean I think they are equal in the sense that you're being lied to and deceived in both situations. If it's a new dude you just met and starting to get to know, it's f****d up. But, also if it's someone that you have been with and there is a trust that's been built, the lying and deception undermines that trust."
> Girl 5: " I'd say getting cheated on would be worse for me. Because I'm too much of a detective to get cheated with, without knowing. If that happens, the jokes on me because clearly I wasn't thorough in my investigation. If we're in a relationship that means I trust you. I should be able to take my detective hat off, but prior to that I'm super duper snooper."
11. Would you stay with your boyfriend if they cheated on you? Why or why not?
> Girl 1: "Well, let me not be a hypocrite with this question. I have been cheated on and I have stayed and accepted that he cheated. S**t hurt worse. Now, however, you cheat on me, you gone fasho. You didn't want to be here in the first place and I am not desperate to be loved. I could care less."
> Girl 2: "Yes, I would stay with [inserts boyfriend's name] if he cheated on me. Because I love him so much sometimes it hurts and I'm in too far in this relationship to not plan it around us. I know we all make mistakes... and I mean, I know cheating isn't a mistake, but maybe it was my fault if he does cheat because I pushed him away. Because I tend to push people away when I don't feel right about stuff and I run away. That's my guard for my heat basically."
> Girl 3: "I'm not sure honestly. I would have to be in the situation currently to give an honest answer."
> Girl 4: "Hell NO! That's a big no for me. Cause once the trust is broken, it's so hard for me to look at him the same. If a n***a that I was with ever cheated, I didn't know about it. That's borderline no forgiveness for that."
> Girl 5: "Boyfriend, absolutely not. Husband, might be a different story, but a boyfriend... hell to the naaahhhh!!! Because I know what I'm worth. I'm dating to marry and if you cheating on me before we get to marriage then I have no space in my life to tolerate that in my future. I'm worth more than that."
And that concludes this edition of 'Fooling around with the Ladies!' Comment below what you think. Ladies, which one sounds most like you? Which one do you disagree with? Fellas, now you get a taste of what females really think!
Watch out for the next one, soon!
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